The Best is Yet to Be

Even those closest to me would not suspect anything in my world had changed. I still wake up early every morning and walk in the serenity of darkness. I tend my garden and do my best to keep it from withering away during these hot summer days. I am back to work part-time and have begun overseeing my home’s renovation. And although it appears as if nothing had happened, I know I am the recipient of an extraordinary gift. It has taken me a while to unwrap all the layers and appreciate the depth of all that it is.

And it is only now that I am beginning to understand its’ meaning and beauty.

I yearned for a time to share a sacred journey with my children. It had been growing in my heart for over a year when I finally talked to Tom about it. I wanted to share the very thing he and I had grown to love with other people I loved. He was very gracious in giving me the time to do this when I knew it was something he would have loved doing with us. So I put the invitation out and waited to see who could make it. In the end, it would be my daughters Desiree and Crystal who would accompany me.

I had longed for another epic adventure and found my heart drawn to the Camino Levante, which transversed Spain from the East coast in Valencia to Santiago. Nearly eight hundred miles on a relatively quiet road through the heart of the country and in an area I had not experienced before. While I had dreamed of this route for years, I decided it wasn’t where I walked that was of value; it was with whom I walked that would make this an epic adventure. Since each of my daughters could commit to a few weeks, I decided to return to Portugal and spend the entire time with both of them instead of having them walk with me separately. We eagerly began our preparations.

For me, I began to pray for us. There had been a subtle change in the dynamic of our relationship, and I asked God for reconciliation and healing. I wanted to share something of myself and, at the same time, did not want to orchestrate anything or provide an experience for them. I had hoped this would give them insight into what I loved and to share a part of myself that they did not know. Our time together could be a gift to them long after I was gone. I thought of it as a legacy walk. I wanted this walk to be what connected us once again.

I appreciated how hard it was for each of us to leave our lives for this pilgrimage. The time away, the cost and the planning were not lost on me. On the contrary, the sacrifice made it even more sacred. I was excited to be with them, and we were to start in one of my favorite places. Porto, Portugal.

I am not sure exactly when I began to feel something was a little off with our dynamics, but it was early on. There had been no argument or disagreement, and although I could not put my finger on what it was exactly, I knew it was there. I had prayed not to be responsible for everyone’s happiness, yet I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what contributed to this situation and what I might do to improve it. I was not doing as I had prayed.

I lost a little joy trying to figure it out and struggled with trying not to take ownership of the situation. I would later struggle over the impact this had on me and how I had forgotten everything I had prayed for. The consoling factor was that soon we would be in Santiago for the Good Friday celebrations. And you cannot be unhappy in Santiago during the Holy week of a Holy Year and having just completed your Camino. So, I was happy to be there and happy to be going home soon.

Our time in Santiago was unforgettable. The nightlife, food, people, and experiences that only seem to happen once you open yourself up to celebrate life in such a profound way abounded. We stayed at the Parador in Santiago de Compostella, known as the Hostal dos Reis Catolicos, and reveled in the luxury afforded to us. We were ready to go back to Porto and begin the process home.

And then, the most remarkable thing happened. Desiree and Crystal both tested positive for COVID right before our flights home. As a result, we were quarantined and could not leave as planned. For me, this was the beginning of my gift. Each of us loved and poured into the other in our most vulnerable moments, and the connectiveness I had prayed for began to transpire in these chaotic and challenging moments. It was the answer to my prayers. Just not the way I had expected.

I often ask God for His divine intervention in my life and then plan how I think He should do it. When it doesn’t happen as I have planned, I feel disappointed and can suffer where I believe I have fallen short. Sometimes, forgiving myself in these moments and getting over my loss is the hardest part. But, as I am beginning to see now, this is the gift that was Portugal. His plan was better than mine all along. He orchestrated it in a way I could not. My prayers were answered, just not the way I had expected. I have learned much and realize I have much more to learn.

Suffice to say that in the end, it was Jesus who helped us get home. That is a story for another day, and when we are together, I will tell you that story. It is incredible, and I wouldn’t want anything to diminish the grandeur of that gift.

Buen Camino!